Sunday run – January 6th
Sunday I wanted to try out those new running clothes. See if they made me feel streamlined. I had stayed out the previous night very late and had 2 beers so needless to say I was tired and weak on Sunday, but still felt the urge to run. It wasn’t very cold outside. I didn’t have as hard of a time picking my feet up. I had more of a problem feeling like low-sugary and like I could fall every time my foot hit the pavement. But overall I was pleased with the run. It is still amazing to me to be able to breathe like a normal runner does. And if I recall I felt lighter on my feet. I was excited because my goal of doing a 5k in the future seemed a lot more doable. It’s like I can visualize myself getting back to that point.
I have still felt weak, or like it takes a lot of effort to walk up the stairs, or like it’s hard to sleep sometimes or my mind is racing at warp speed. But I can’t imagine my life had I not started with acupuncture. It’s amazing that she has gotten me back into running at all, even if I can’t run far yet. Absolutely amazing.
hmmm
- the last time I had acupuncture was aweek ago (December 28). I remember I had been kind of depressed and I told her that and now I’m not. Sleeping has been more of a struggle but not as much in the past few days. I have a hard time with being wired when it’s time to wind down during the week (and right now I’m physically spent but mentally not).
- I did get hired at a new job but haven’t started yet. It’s from 8-5 every day and I’m nervous that it will be a struggle to go to bed at a decent hour and get up. (Always has been a struggle). I tend to get stressed out when I know I have to get up early. Then I can’t sleep or am just wired wanting to read late at night and usually by the end of the week I’m dead. I’m also nervous about the eating at work/low blood sugar situation. To feel good I really need to eat every 2-3 hours, which always makes me feel like a lazy person or paranoid that I will get in trouble for it. But I will say that when I was doing acupuncture once a week my blood sugar was not as big a part of my life.
Hopefully the new job will also give me a little more money to get back into eating healthy and experimenting with new things. One of the things I wanted to try was wheatgrass powder. I guess you just pour it in water and make a drink out of it. If it tastes decent it could be a good way for me to get more greens.
I also ate little cups of applesauce this week in between breakfast & lunch at work and that was a catastrophe. My mom buys the kind with corn syrup added and I’m not sure if this is why, but both times after I ate it my vision was all blurry and I got hot and felt like I was getting closer to passing out. So I am steering clear of that from now on.
I’m hoping to have enough money to do acupuncture once a week again, but we’ll see.
Also tonight I finally went shopping for some running clothes. I got a few tops and a pair of sweat pants and the modern loose polyester equivalent of what used to be running tights. I’m excited about this new gear – a lot of it seems sleek and I’m hoping it will get me more enthused. I like the idea of feeling compact and streamlined when running. I’m thinking running could be an important part of me improving if it really will help my blood sugar problems. My goal of course is to get better to the point where I can run 5k races again like I used to in high school. I need some of those long-sleeve running t-shirts that you get at the races (always the main motivator for me to race, but now that I’m older I also like that the races benefit good causes).
Although I have felt NO urge to go running lately. I haven’t had the energy I had when I was going to acu once a week. But I think that even going every other week I am doing better than I was before I started ever going.
I think my outlook is way better. I realized that by constantly thinking about Graves disease, with it’s disease name I was feeding the beast. Now I think more about healing, or getting better, or the improvements I have had.
Good Morning Starshine
here’s a picture of my wide eyes. you can see them struggling to look sideways. a face shown without the rest of the face looks really funny.
THE SINUSES
So at I almost cancelled my last acupuncture appt. because my sinuses were so clogged and I felt really run down that day. I would blow my nose nonstop. I got there and she stuck many needles around my nose. It made my eyes water. But afterwards on the drive home it felt easier to breathe. And it pretty much got rid of what was going on. I still blow my nose sometimes but I can breathe, I’m not congested.
TIREDNESS
well, it seems that I am not doing as well going every other week to acupuncture instead of every week. but I can’t even pay my bills! but this week I had trouble sleeping, as far as being wired late at night. it would be 2 am and I still didn’t really want to go to bed. then had to get up around 8. needless to say I am exhausted (but still don’t want to go to bed.) I have realized that I stress out about things that are beyond my control (men, jobs etc.) and this really does me no favors physically either. It definitely doesn’t help me wind down at night. I also would pee before I went to bed and feel like there was a tiny bit just sitting there that wouldn’t come out. This irritated me and kept me awake with my repeated trips to the bathroom. This has always been a hallmark of the graves with me. The little things that are like gnats bothering you. I just fell off the wagon in general this week. I noticed myself feeling weaker. And the winter depression from the lack of sunlight finally hit me. But since then I feel better.
THE RUN
I decided one day that I just had to get more sunlight to fight the winter blues I am prone to. So I went for a run in the park near the real estate office. I ran on pavement and I did have a hard time picking up my feet, but I felt like I pushed myself to go a little farther than usual. I could also breathe steadily and calmly which is nice. Then afterwards I felt a tightness in my lungs the rest of the night. Probably from running in the cold. It was weird though, almost like holding mental tension in there. It made me wonder if the run also got some energy blocked in there, but maybe that’s farfetched who knows. But the run did lift up my spirits from being outside in the light. It is very gray here in the winter.
THE YEAST
I have started taking hot baths again at night this week because it really calms me even though I’m sure it doesn’t help the nonstop yeast situation (which is back with a vengeance.) I take diflucan but I haven’t been able to shake this thing yet. The gyno said she sees this ongoing yeast issue in her diabetes patients and that I should try to cut down on carbs/sugar. I try to be careful with what I eat, but I live with my parents right now and I’m broke. They have a huge supply of all manner of sweets at all times. And that stuff fills me up if I’m running out the door, where an apple and spinach will not. So that’s on ongoing struggle. I feel like it’s militant to not be able to have a few cookies once in a while, when otherwise I eat very well. But the acupuncturist had said it is part of my heat issue so who knows what exactly is causing it. I guess a month of antibiotics last spring wasn’t good either. I’ll keep hammering away at it. Try different things.
THE JOB
I’m working on figuring out some other job I can do that will be less stressful than my current one. I’m also trying to do real estate part time and really want it to work out. So I need my main job to be something that doesn’t stress me out or weigh me down mentally.
good page, mate
I like the way this page explains Chinese medicine.
Going Eastern in my head
Today I went to her office to get the herbs I had run out of. I do this because I am low on money all the time and I think having to drive all the way up there to see her on another day reinforces the treatment in my mind and maybe on some level it feels like a commitment to getting better.
While there I started talking to a lady in the waiting room. It was her first appointment and she seemed to need encouragement that it would work. She was there for menopausal symptoms and it was making her depressed too. She was trying to get her son to come for anxiety & insomnia but he was skeptical. She was asking me if I saw any difference and I said yes, this has actually given me hope that I can get better whereas when I was faced with the Western M.D.s not wanting to do much I felt like I had no hope – like they just wanted me to suffer. I told her about how I don’t have to take my sleep medicine anymore and how I’m trying to get back into running. How things just seem more clear. I also explained that my problem also involves too much heat in my body and one of the herbs she gave me helps with that. (When I first started going to acupuncture I never had her put the heater on in the room, but now sometimes I do.) The lady wanted to know how long I had been going and how long it would take me to get better. I didn’t even bring up my reproductive issues but said I think it may take me a while because I see it as her peeling back all the layers. It made me feel good to give someone else encouragement. When you think about it, there’s really not a lot that Western medicine can do for menopause. Hormones, with estrogen being linked to breast cancer. Lube. And that’s about it – it seems.
I think either my hormones are a hot mess or the Graves is just heating up and drying out my whole system. I talked to my gyno on the phone and she thinks my yeast issues are drying me out. Which could be true. I’m just afraid it’s the PCOS itself. The hormonal problems. Or I thought it might be the pill throwing me off since I never had this problem before I was on the pill. She doesn’t think the pill would cause that. But she is gung ho for people taking all manner of hormones. She said if the yeast is completely gone and the dryness persists then I can always do Nuva Ring. I guess it dampens everything. My problem with this is that I don’t like having to rely on something like that for a problem that I shouldn’t be having until I’m 50! This is just crazy to me. I am obsessed with getting to the root of the problem, not just trying to smooth over them the way Western medicine does. Maybe I have gone completely eastern or holistic in my head. I’m not sure. But it’s hard to relate to the way these thing are thought of.
In other news I am still waiting on the CAT scan for the kidney stones. I am on a city health plan so I am having to wait a long time. I hope it happens soon.
I went to the company christmas dinner tonight and I felt like I was being made fun of for not drinking. I have a sensitive stomach and don’t like alcohol with food. And the dr. told me no bubbly drinks with kidney stones and wine would have me too tipsy. They were also laughing that I was actually eating the blooming onion. ( I don’t eat a lot of fast food). Then at some point someone was asking me about my dip for my catfish and I was saying a little goes a long way and I didn’t want to go overboard with it. Then my boss said “Do you ever go overboard? You seem really conservative to me” which I took as a huge insult. I guess I just hate that people act like I’m a prude about food without knowing why I eat the way I do. And at the job they’re always yelling at me for one thing or another and I feel on edge so I never really let loose. The whole thing just annoyed me. I know that place is bogging me down, spiritually. I feel like I can’t be myself there.
Prevention Article
I found an article about acupuncture that was published in Prevention. There are grammar mistakes on this website but I thought it did a good job of explaining things for people who don’t understand it.
Excerpt
I’m likin this tidbit I found:
In 1980 research was started on hyperactivity of the thyroid gland using PTU (drug to lower hyperactivity of the thyroid) and acupuncture, and they found that the combination was more effective than the drug alone. Their conclusion was that small amounts of PTU with acupuncture gave the same results as normal dosages of PTU, and side effects and allergic reactions were avoided.
Evidence based research was established two years ago, and Jianping Liu is involved in this work.
http://uit.no/getfile.php?PageId=1492&FileId=202
It looks like it was a college that took a research outing to China.
that gagging sensation is gone
I just realized that the gagging sensation I always used to have is gone. It used to be that a lot of the time when I would eat something I would get this gross feeling in around my throat. I called it “throat nausea” because while I didn’t think I would throw up or anything like that – it was a really gross feeling. And I would also always feel like air was trying to come up my throat to make a burp, but it would always stop at my throat. It was just gross. I would always grab my throat when this would happen because it seemed to make me feel better somehow and sometimes people would notice and they would ask if I was ok. But I just realized I haven’t had that lately. I can’t help but think it had to do with the energy blockage/big goiter going on around my throat.
I also realized yesterday when talking to the Seattle woman why my labs never went hyper. As bad as my symptoms have been and as close as I have come to losing jobs over it, having to live with my parents because I would pass out or have to go to the hospital – my heart rate was still never super crazy like most peoples. Most of the time with this it has been 80 or 84. Sometimes I would be trying to sleep and it would be in the 90’s or 100. I think it has just felt really bad for me because I feel good with a heart rate of 60. I feel on edge when it goes faster than that. 60 must have been what my heart rate used to be. But I know a lot of these people have heart rates that sit at 120. I also read about another lady recently who was very athletic and had a heart rate in the 30’s and 40’s. When she got sick it went into the 50’s and 60’s and was bothering her. It’s amazing that it bothers people so much just going up some. It doesn’t even have to be the worst case scenario.
the seattle woman who used acupuncture for her graves
I finally called the lady who cured her graves with acupuncture who had given me her #. I wanted to hear more about it and needed that boost. She was friendly and fun to talk to. She said she is from Korea and sees a dr. in Seattle named Dr. Ma who she recommends to everyone who lives there.
She said she went to the acupuncturist every day for a month and 1/2 when she had Graves. And then it got better. Her daughter got it young and went every day for 3 months and had to drink foul-tasting herbs every day also. She said you may go through relapses at first but you are treating the root cause of why it got started in your body in the first place so eventually it will not come back.
I asked her if she thinks it matters that I’m not doing it as intensely as she was as far as how often I go. I’m now going every 2 weeks & she went every day. She said I should just be patient, it will work. She pointed out that a lot of Americans give up on acupuncture because they are used to just taking a pill to treat the symptom and it works right away, whereas Chinese medicine treats the root and will take longer but will work. She also said whatever you do, never stop going. Even if you can only afford it every 3 weeks by all means go. Don’t stop. NEVER GIVE UP. Which makes sense to me. I’m doing better with this than any Western treatment so far.
After the daughter was better, the Seattle Children’s Hospital had wanted to do some clinical trials but the acupuncturist said that no 2 patients are alike, you wouldn’t give them all the same herbs or same acupuncture points so it isn’t something you can do a trial on.
She also said part of the reason why the acupuncturist won’t always explain what they’re doing is that there isn’t any easy English way of explaining it that would be equivalent. They know in their heads why they’re doing certain things, but there’s no English terminology to verbalize it to us. So she said if you really want to understand what’s going on with your body you have to ask a lot of questions and get them to try to put it into our context.
She also got breast cancer 2 years ago and did surgery and radiation but opted out of chemo. She also kept seeing her acupuncturist and he recommended seeing him every week for 3 years which she is still doing. She says she feels better than she EVER had before.
She also said now what’s important in life is so much clearer to her. And that was that health comes first and that you have to focus on these three points:
1. staying emotionally well
2. nutrition
3. exercise
I had mentioned how the acupuncturist said I was emotional like tons of emotions had led to everything and she said
“Go to a place where you are calm and can be yourself.”
So I liked how she broke it down for me like that.
And she said call if you ever get discouraged. Which is the one good thing that has come out of dealing with health issues. I have gotten to talk on the phone to people from across the country who I otherwise wouldn’t have had a reason to reach out to.
A cold run and Nov. 30th acupuncture
Yesterday=Went for a run
It was very cold out. I had my old running tights on. I love wearing ludicrous things when I run. Or I guess in any sport you have to love the gear that goes with it, so I was excited to don the tights again. It’s silly, but when else can you wear spandex and it’s ok? Anywho, so it was cold out. I went to the track so as not to have to run on any inclines. The first lap wasn’t fun. I had forgotten that I used to hate the first 1/4-1/2 mile in the cold. But after that I was fine. I appreciated that my heart rate did not soar at all. It stayed slow and steady. While I also jogged slow and steady. I only ran a mile and felt like I was taking baby steps, but that is exactly what I’m doing so that’s ok. Hopefully taking baby steps back to normalcy.
I think my legs were getting tired because on the last lap I almost tripped over my toes a few times, but if my legs were hurting I couldn’t feel them because it was just too cold! I think sometimes it’s hard for me not to have that old cross-country mentality still in my mind of “A mile is just a warm up or cool down” because back then a mile was nothing, but now it’s something. Since I didn’t have to focus as much on barely being able to pick up my legs or not being able to catch my breath I was able to just kind of let my mind go. It’s like you focus on the slow rhythm of your breathing and it’s very meditative. That’s why I always liked running -it frees your mind. Well, besides that it gave me an excuse to run in the woods or get outside. Running around a track is boring to me though so I may have to figure out some other places to run that are also safe and springy. Hard combo to come by.
Acupuncture – Nov. 30th = Today
I did a better job of remembering the important points to tell her. I even mentioned the dryness “down there.” She said that was probably due to the heat in my body – it dries out everything. Which would make sense because my mouth is always dry so I’m always drinking water. So hopefully this can be fixed. During the acupuncture I was a little dissapointed that I didn’t go into some dramatic deep meditative state like I did one time. And she had turned the heater off in the room because I had gotten hot before so then I got cold just laying there with an open gown on. That’s what I find weird about acupuncture, it’s supposed to be relaxing, which it is. But it’s hard to totally relax when you have a gown on that’s open in the front. I mean you can’t have a blanket over you because of the needles. And you do have underwear/bra on, but I always want a blanket.
I was trying really hard to eavesdrop on the guy in the next room and what he was telling her. I wanted to know his reason for going to her – just out of curiousity. She had music on too and usually it hypes me up because it has a definite rhythm to it so I’ll start picturing lilypads or something. But this time it was a little more new agey, more freeform. So it didn’t bother me.
I’m feeling really hyped up tonight. I don’t make much money at what I do now so I got accepted to a city health program. The dr. there oked my beta blocker, but her pharmacy doesn’t carry the inderal that I take. So I called them and said have her rewrite the prescription for propranolol, but it seems to take them a long time to do things so I’m not expecting it to happen right away. Meanwhile I feel like my heart’s racing even though it’s prolly only going 80 or 84. I think I just feel comfortable with it at 60. I’m hoping these next few days aren’t tough because of it. It’s the weekend now so that pharmacy isn’t even open. I felt really shakey/anxious this morning so we’ll see, altho I usually feel bad in the mornings at work in one way or another.
