Archive for spirituality
the latest appt
at the last appointment, for the first time I really didn’t have much in the way of complaints for her to work on. Maybe that I was emotional but that was about it. Since then, I got super emotional over some jackass and my gland immediately swelled right up again. It looks like I have a double chin and I’m not even chubby really. So I could immediately see that there is a strong connection between controlling your emotions and managing your thyroid. I’m thinking about getting involved in some meditation/buddhist groups here to learn how to keep myself calm even when people hurt my feelings. At least, that’s the goal.
Also at that appt while the needles were in I thought “my acupuncturist has done so much for me. she has given me hope and a better outlook when everything seemed so dark for so long and it felt like there was no end to my problems. what can I do for her?” of course I thought about writing a testimonial. so I told her that on my way out and she just lit up. she was so happy and grateful. I’m thinking because she seems very humble, that she would never ask someone to write one, she just waits for them. and I thought mine would make a difference since it’s for a disease and most of the ones on her website are just for one complaint like headaches. so she said the next appt will be free if I bring it with me. I just really want to spread the word, that even though I still have hard days. and lately I’ve had a rougher time getting up the stairs (but I’ve been forgetting to take my herbs) things are way better and way more manageable than what they were before. it’s lightyears apart.
I also forced myself to run 2 miles a few weeks ago. the last 2 laps were pure agony but it made me feel strong to be able to say I did it.
the latest
well, I went for a run a few days ago. I went even though my body didn’t really feel like it that day. so I learned a lesson too. If your body doesn’t feel like it, then don’t do it. I went to a local park, for some reason thinking it was a dirt trail. It was a paved trail, which made it feel so difficult to pick my feet up and keep going. I went the whole trail which only took 6 minutes, meaning it was probably a half mile. It was dissappointing that it was tough, but I knew the pavement & the fact that I hadn’t really felt like doing it had a lot to do with it. I can’t believe people voluntarily run on pavement. And this was new pavement. Some neighborhood streets have some bounce to them because they’re worn in. This did not.
The yeast beast is back with a vengeance. I am going to try tea tree oil suppositories. I hate to think that this is all blood sugar related when I’m not even diabetic. It’s not a good thought.
I started the new job and it is so much less stressful. There is a lot of accounting/data entry type things to do which I will have to focus to learn since my mind is very abstract, but it’s nice not to feel like I’m being talked down to like I’m the dumbest person in the world all day. Ahh, a normal environment again. Although I haven’t been sleeping much since I have to get up earlier. I’ve also been stressed out about this guy I’ve been involved with for almost a year now. I adore him and wish we could at least date, but he seems content to see me once on the weekend, if that and not call me or anything during the week. This upsets me since I went on tons of dates this summer looking for someone who would want to be at least a little more serious, but I was never attracted to the guys that wanted that. I really think it is something about this town since all my friends only find these sorts of characters too. This is weighing on me heavily.
I know I need to balance out my life and not stress out about things, but I think at this age you want everything to be perfect NOW. I”ve thought about moving to my own place again now that I will be working full-time, because it seemed like I was happier when I lived alone before. I think living with my parents has cost me some feeling of freedom perhaps.
the seattle woman who used acupuncture for her graves
I finally called the lady who cured her graves with acupuncture who had given me her #. I wanted to hear more about it and needed that boost. She was friendly and fun to talk to. She said she is from Korea and sees a dr. in Seattle named Dr. Ma who she recommends to everyone who lives there.
She said she went to the acupuncturist every day for a month and 1/2 when she had Graves. And then it got better. Her daughter got it young and went every day for 3 months and had to drink foul-tasting herbs every day also. She said you may go through relapses at first but you are treating the root cause of why it got started in your body in the first place so eventually it will not come back.
I asked her if she thinks it matters that I’m not doing it as intensely as she was as far as how often I go. I’m now going every 2 weeks & she went every day. She said I should just be patient, it will work. She pointed out that a lot of Americans give up on acupuncture because they are used to just taking a pill to treat the symptom and it works right away, whereas Chinese medicine treats the root and will take longer but will work. She also said whatever you do, never stop going. Even if you can only afford it every 3 weeks by all means go. Don’t stop. NEVER GIVE UP. Which makes sense to me. I’m doing better with this than any Western treatment so far.
After the daughter was better, the Seattle Children’s Hospital had wanted to do some clinical trials but the acupuncturist said that no 2 patients are alike, you wouldn’t give them all the same herbs or same acupuncture points so it isn’t something you can do a trial on.
She also said part of the reason why the acupuncturist won’t always explain what they’re doing is that there isn’t any easy English way of explaining it that would be equivalent. They know in their heads why they’re doing certain things, but there’s no English terminology to verbalize it to us. So she said if you really want to understand what’s going on with your body you have to ask a lot of questions and get them to try to put it into our context.
She also got breast cancer 2 years ago and did surgery and radiation but opted out of chemo. She also kept seeing her acupuncturist and he recommended seeing him every week for 3 years which she is still doing. She says she feels better than she EVER had before.
She also said now what’s important in life is so much clearer to her. And that was that health comes first and that you have to focus on these three points:
1. staying emotionally well
2. nutrition
3. exercise
I had mentioned how the acupuncturist said I was emotional like tons of emotions had led to everything and she said
“Go to a place where you are calm and can be yourself.”
So I liked how she broke it down for me like that.
And she said call if you ever get discouraged. Which is the one good thing that has come out of dealing with health issues. I have gotten to talk on the phone to people from across the country who I otherwise wouldn’t have had a reason to reach out to.
bye, bye big neck!
after the last acupuncture session I felt like a lot of the enlargement in my neck was gone. I would reach up and touch it and it seemed a lot smaller. Today I confirmed that. I had a beaded necklace I had restrung and a few weeks ago before I had started acupuncture I tried to get it on and it was too tight. I couldn’t shut the clasp on it. Today I put it on with several inches to spare. In fact it is sitting on my collarbone instead of choking me around my goiter like it would have done a few weeks ago. I am amazed. I still have a lot of the physical symptoms but maybe not to such a bad degree. I slept for 2 nights without my sleep medicine. So I’m optimistic about how far I can go with this treatment.
In the last session I had gone into a meditative like state and several problems in my life became clear to me. I think these are problems that instigated the Graves. For example, whenever I am mad/upset with someone in my life they usually have no idea. I hate confrontation so I never tell them. This just leaves the anger and annoyance simmering nonstop on the burner in my mind and I know it’s not good. I still don’t know what to do about it. I can’t seem to work up the nerve to tell people when I feel they have wronged me.
I also realized that when other people ditch me (be it someone I’m dating or friends) I have always tended to think it is something that I have done wrong. But I’m realizing a lot of times it’s a problem with them that they are dealing with and has nothing to do with me. People have issues and I shouldn’t jump to conclusions and blame myself.
It’s fascinating to me that the acupuncturist did not say any of these things to me. They just became apparent after the needles were put in and I was left alone to lay there. It’s as if she knew just the right spots to target to instigate the healing. And I think the healing has to start with mental patterns that lead to stress and ultimately the physical disruption of disease.
acupuncture appt – Monday Nov. 5th
She asked me how I was doing and I told her I saw great improvements with the mental aspects as far as feeling calmer, more spiritual etc. but I still had the physical aspects like weakness, shaking legs when going up the stairs, heart palpitations etc. And by the end of the week I had started to get restless/hyper and felt like the acupuncture had worn off.
Although throughout the week I thought I was a little less ravenous and thirsty than usual, and maybe I had to pee less – it’s hard to say. I told her that after the last appt I felt so good that it crossed my mind to go running and I wondered if that would hype me up and undo the good effects of the acupuncture. She said it shouldn’t and that I can try it if I want. This time I wasn’t afraid of the needles and I barely felt them. They didn’t hurt. Last time I had been so tense that they did hurt a little. As soon as she had them all in my arms got really heavy and I felt paralyzed with an intense calm feeling. After she left the room I looked to see where the needles were, then I shut my eyes and relaxed. It kind of forced me into a meditation-like state for a while. I still feel like my muscles are heavy and tingly. I also felt very blissful, happy, goofy, full of joy during the session. Things I had been worried about before seemed kind of ridiculous. I wanted to laugh that the needles were stuck in my stomach they way you stick a meat thermometer in a piece of meat. Non-funny things were funny to me.
I also found out I was supposed to be taking 4 herbal pills 3 times a day, not 1 once a day as I had been taking them. So tonight I took 4 pills and then went to the library and was just burning up (still am). This pill is supposed to fight the overheating aspect that is going on, so it makes me wonder if my body is fighting it and making me hotter. I’m not sure. If it continues I might call her tommorrow.
what drove me to try acupuncture
I have decided to embark into the mystical world of acupuncture. I almost feel like I was led in this direction. it started because I was forced to follow up with the drs that monitor my polycystic ovary issue which in turn causes my low blood sugar. once again their only recommendation was to go back on this diabetes medication that is supposed to balance out your hormones which in turn is supposed to balance out your insulin etc. but then of course they once again said “but you can’t really eat carbs with this unless you want to have stomach problems” which translates to being chained to a toilet all day. I used to take basically the same medication and I think it had much to do with my constant stomach upset, and not only that – it doesn’t make you actually FEEL any better.
So this irritated me to high heaven. I tried to explain to them that I have some weird form of Graves disease and I’m constantly hungry and not eating carbs is a starvation diet for me. But I got the vibe that they thought I was one of those noncompliant people. The more I thought about it the more upset I got about my experiences with Western medicine. for the last 4 years I have thrown most of my income away on drs visits. Some of their medications have made great improvements in my life (beta blockers). But because I have Graves showing in my eyes but by labs are not outside the normal range I cannot truly get treatment. They enjoy throwing a drug at me for each seperate symptom, which naturally starts to add up when you have something like Graves that has about 20 symptoms. And it also adds up on your pocket book. So I thought “I’m sick of playing these games and jumping through hoops all for nothing.” They had also said that some of my symptoms sounded like endometriosis – which I had heard acupuncture might help so I was starting to get curious about it.
I called up a Chinese acupuncturist when she asked if I wanted an appointment her bright subdued voice won me over.
My first session was: Monday, October 29th, 2007
Before it was my turn I could hear the guy in the next room making all these noises and I thought “geez, he’s being noisy.” But then when it was my time to get stuck I did the same thing. You get nervous right before each stick so I would laugh each time. So she left me to lay like that. I started feeling nauseous just thinking of all the needles in me, so I had to pretend there weren’t any. Then when she took them out I felt really tingly in certain places. Like Icy Hot. I felt pretty happy, content, and calm afterwards. For once I could just drive with no music on and not fidget with the radio. I remember thinking that my head felt different and that I felt more like my old self. More goofy. So far afterwards I feel like I can tell a difference. She gave me this chinese medicine to take to cool me down and I still get hot sometimes but I keep thinking I feel cool like a cucumber other times. I also feel like I can let things roll off my back a little easier, although today I can tell it’s starting to wear off a bit. But my hands shake so I’m constantly knocking glasses of water over so today I knocked one over of course and it pissed me off, but it wasn’t the same level of pissed by any means. No expletives were screamed. I also felt like I had more clarity. I was more in tune. She said in the beginning I will have to do it often so as not to lose the results we have gained, so as much as I am dying to quit my job I will have to tough it out til I find another.
An intense moment of clarity came at work. In the morning there were 4 notes waiting for me about things I had done wrong. E.G. “no more drinks at your desk” because of course my shaking hand knocked one over and got water in the calculator. So here I am, papers spread out all over my desk with these notes just glaring at me. And I just had the strongest feeling, that voice in my head saying “walk out now. You get your ass up and you walk out. This is so wrong for you. This is so against everything you are. You are abstract, this job is technical and mathmatical. The people are mean and unhelpful.” you catch my drift. So I didn’t walk out because I was thinking that I have to pay my bills and pay for acupuncture. But I felt like everything was so clear as if my inner voice was back.
I dunno, the physical things still abound, like my heart still pounds when I go up a few steps. I’ve felt nauseous a few times. My legs shake when I walk up the stairs. I probably can’t go running, but since I’ve felt results I’m very curious to see how far I can go with it.
