Archive for running
the latest appt
at the last appointment, for the first time I really didn’t have much in the way of complaints for her to work on. Maybe that I was emotional but that was about it. Since then, I got super emotional over some jackass and my gland immediately swelled right up again. It looks like I have a double chin and I’m not even chubby really. So I could immediately see that there is a strong connection between controlling your emotions and managing your thyroid. I’m thinking about getting involved in some meditation/buddhist groups here to learn how to keep myself calm even when people hurt my feelings. At least, that’s the goal.
Also at that appt while the needles were in I thought “my acupuncturist has done so much for me. she has given me hope and a better outlook when everything seemed so dark for so long and it felt like there was no end to my problems. what can I do for her?” of course I thought about writing a testimonial. so I told her that on my way out and she just lit up. she was so happy and grateful. I’m thinking because she seems very humble, that she would never ask someone to write one, she just waits for them. and I thought mine would make a difference since it’s for a disease and most of the ones on her website are just for one complaint like headaches. so she said the next appt will be free if I bring it with me. I just really want to spread the word, that even though I still have hard days. and lately I’ve had a rougher time getting up the stairs (but I’ve been forgetting to take my herbs) things are way better and way more manageable than what they were before. it’s lightyears apart.
I also forced myself to run 2 miles a few weeks ago. the last 2 laps were pure agony but it made me feel strong to be able to say I did it.
the latest
well, I still can’t seem to get caught up on my bills, even since I’ve started working full-time again. I’ve been toying with the idea of going with a less expensive acupuncturist since my Massage Therapist friend knows of one. I feel bad even thinking that though since I really like my acupuncturist and feel like we have a rapor and I want to be loyal. Plus, she worked at a hospital in China. But money is an ongoing problem with me, so we’ll see. I would at least find out if the same herbal formulas are available at a different place before I would try a new place out.
I still don’t sleep much during the workweek. I am not a morning person, nor do I ever really want to be one. I have to be at work at 7:55 and I usually get there at 7:58 which is already a problem. I’m hoping I can save up money and jump into real estate full-time at some point, but I don’t know how soon that could happen. Things keep coming up. At least with real estate there are no rules about what time you have to get there or anything like that. (Well, at my company there aren’t).
I went running in the woods at that park earlier this week. I figured out which way to go so that I wouldn’t have to really do any uphills. So I did the whole loop and it probably wasn’t too far but I felt proud of myself. But for me running in the woods is way easier than on the roads. I still hope to do a 5k at some point but feel no immediacy about when. Since I felt bad that one week when I ran 2 days in a row, I’m not pushing myself at all. Once a week or so is fine by me. A girl I work with is going to walk a 5k in a month or so and her saying that got me thinking about it more. So who knows. But my muscles have been hurting a lot lately. Not because I did anything. Just because I guess it’s a part of the Graves. My dr. had suspected fibromyalgia at one point because I have Lupus antibodies and I had a high sed rate once. I’ve been sent to rheumatologists twice and they just said it was the Graves that causes those labs. I do think I have some kind of chronic inflammatory issue going on from the Graves and the achiness has been bothering me lately and freaking me out, considering that I’m in my twenties. It makes we worried about what it might feel like when I’m actually old. But I do still have hope that things will come together one way or another. I feel like I have new weapons by looking outside the box.
I also came across an interesting tidbit online yesterday about PCOS. If you go to the wikipedia page on it, at the bottom there was information about a supplement that supposedly treats all of the problems by fixing a missing link in the insulin process. It looks like there are actual published studies on this substance and it really does work, the problem is that it is pretty much impossible to get in the U.S. But I guess there is a similar supplement available. I may try it at some point, because I am getting more and more fed up with the PCOS options that are out there. I always think,”Who has the money to take Metformin and end up in the hospital all the time from the side effects?” Not I said the little red hen, Not I.
I also always feel the weight of that stigma, where they say that people with blood sugar problems/diabetes got it because they gained weight and didn’t take care of themselves. I constantly see this message all over magazines and the media and it makes me mad and I feel the unfairness of my situation. I loved working out and suddenly had to stop from being so weak from the Graves/blood sugar problems that came on at the same time. I hate the diabetes stigma, I think it’s an unfair message to be propogating. Instead, we should talk more about having a food supply that is closer to Canadas. Take out the MSG from our Campbells soup, our chips, our sausage and everything else. Take out the corn syrup, the excessive salt, the preservatives. I think it’s not that people don’t try, it’s that in America our food supply is basically tainted.
Prime example. My mom had a Curves magazine and I was reading it. They were saying not to eat corn syrup – it makes you fat. Well, well, well – and what do we have in Curves cereal which claims to make you thin? …..Corn Syrup!!!!
More running, less acupuncture
I went running twice this week. I went to a local wooded park that I had been to once before and had a weird experience at. The experience had left me thinking that these particular woods were “haunted” or had some kind of supernatural thing going on in them. But a friend had told me that she goes there and didn’t experience that. So I decided to check it out again. I didn’t experience anything super scary. I forgot how hilly the place is though. I don’t have the strength to run up those hills so I would run a little walk a little. And I felt stronger for being out there. But every since my shoulders and back have felt really tight.
It seems like it’s been forever since my last acupuncture session and I can definitely tell a difference. Last week I didn’t sleep much because I was always still wide awake at 1 or 2 am. Plus like I said, you feel weaker and sore when you wake up in the morning. At work I keep forgetting things. I get paid this next friday so I will try to see if I can get an appt on Saturday.
I also had run out of $ and subsequently gone off the Pill for 2 weeks. My gyn had said the pill wouldn’t have much effect on my blood sugar, but I think it really did. Because there were a few days where my hands were shaking pretty much the whole day. And I have had a much harder time regulating the sugar since then. I have been catching myself having high blood sugar a few times. I have been back on the pill for 5 days but am still not feeling back to normal. I don’t know if the pill was helping me before or the acupuncture. I also still want to try a progesterone only pill. My gyn is against this because she says a lack of estrogen is what causes dryness “down there.” But I found a PCOS message board and a lot of people said they didn’t have dryness UNTIL they went on the pill. Which seems to be the case for me. It also pointed out that some people are estrogen dominant, meaning they don’t need to take more estrogen. I don’t know, maybe the progesterone only pill won’t help me – but I think it’s worth a try at least.
the latest
well, I went for a run a few days ago. I went even though my body didn’t really feel like it that day. so I learned a lesson too. If your body doesn’t feel like it, then don’t do it. I went to a local park, for some reason thinking it was a dirt trail. It was a paved trail, which made it feel so difficult to pick my feet up and keep going. I went the whole trail which only took 6 minutes, meaning it was probably a half mile. It was dissappointing that it was tough, but I knew the pavement & the fact that I hadn’t really felt like doing it had a lot to do with it. I can’t believe people voluntarily run on pavement. And this was new pavement. Some neighborhood streets have some bounce to them because they’re worn in. This did not.
The yeast beast is back with a vengeance. I am going to try tea tree oil suppositories. I hate to think that this is all blood sugar related when I’m not even diabetic. It’s not a good thought.
I started the new job and it is so much less stressful. There is a lot of accounting/data entry type things to do which I will have to focus to learn since my mind is very abstract, but it’s nice not to feel like I’m being talked down to like I’m the dumbest person in the world all day. Ahh, a normal environment again. Although I haven’t been sleeping much since I have to get up earlier. I’ve also been stressed out about this guy I’ve been involved with for almost a year now. I adore him and wish we could at least date, but he seems content to see me once on the weekend, if that and not call me or anything during the week. This upsets me since I went on tons of dates this summer looking for someone who would want to be at least a little more serious, but I was never attracted to the guys that wanted that. I really think it is something about this town since all my friends only find these sorts of characters too. This is weighing on me heavily.
I know I need to balance out my life and not stress out about things, but I think at this age you want everything to be perfect NOW. I”ve thought about moving to my own place again now that I will be working full-time, because it seemed like I was happier when I lived alone before. I think living with my parents has cost me some feeling of freedom perhaps.
Sunday run – January 6th
Sunday I wanted to try out those new running clothes. See if they made me feel streamlined. I had stayed out the previous night very late and had 2 beers so needless to say I was tired and weak on Sunday, but still felt the urge to run. It wasn’t very cold outside. I didn’t have as hard of a time picking my feet up. I had more of a problem feeling like low-sugary and like I could fall every time my foot hit the pavement. But overall I was pleased with the run. It is still amazing to me to be able to breathe like a normal runner does. And if I recall I felt lighter on my feet. I was excited because my goal of doing a 5k in the future seemed a lot more doable. It’s like I can visualize myself getting back to that point.
I have still felt weak, or like it takes a lot of effort to walk up the stairs, or like it’s hard to sleep sometimes or my mind is racing at warp speed. But I can’t imagine my life had I not started with acupuncture. It’s amazing that she has gotten me back into running at all, even if I can’t run far yet. Absolutely amazing.
hmmm
- the last time I had acupuncture was aweek ago (December 28). I remember I had been kind of depressed and I told her that and now I’m not. Sleeping has been more of a struggle but not as much in the past few days. I have a hard time with being wired when it’s time to wind down during the week (and right now I’m physically spent but mentally not).
- I did get hired at a new job but haven’t started yet. It’s from 8-5 every day and I’m nervous that it will be a struggle to go to bed at a decent hour and get up. (Always has been a struggle). I tend to get stressed out when I know I have to get up early. Then I can’t sleep or am just wired wanting to read late at night and usually by the end of the week I’m dead. I’m also nervous about the eating at work/low blood sugar situation. To feel good I really need to eat every 2-3 hours, which always makes me feel like a lazy person or paranoid that I will get in trouble for it. But I will say that when I was doing acupuncture once a week my blood sugar was not as big a part of my life.
Hopefully the new job will also give me a little more money to get back into eating healthy and experimenting with new things. One of the things I wanted to try was wheatgrass powder. I guess you just pour it in water and make a drink out of it. If it tastes decent it could be a good way for me to get more greens.
I also ate little cups of applesauce this week in between breakfast & lunch at work and that was a catastrophe. My mom buys the kind with corn syrup added and I’m not sure if this is why, but both times after I ate it my vision was all blurry and I got hot and felt like I was getting closer to passing out. So I am steering clear of that from now on.
I’m hoping to have enough money to do acupuncture once a week again, but we’ll see.
Also tonight I finally went shopping for some running clothes. I got a few tops and a pair of sweat pants and the modern loose polyester equivalent of what used to be running tights. I’m excited about this new gear – a lot of it seems sleek and I’m hoping it will get me more enthused. I like the idea of feeling compact and streamlined when running. I’m thinking running could be an important part of me improving if it really will help my blood sugar problems. My goal of course is to get better to the point where I can run 5k races again like I used to in high school. I need some of those long-sleeve running t-shirts that you get at the races (always the main motivator for me to race, but now that I’m older I also like that the races benefit good causes).
Although I have felt NO urge to go running lately. I haven’t had the energy I had when I was going to acu once a week. But I think that even going every other week I am doing better than I was before I started ever going.
I think my outlook is way better. I realized that by constantly thinking about Graves disease, with it’s disease name I was feeding the beast. Now I think more about healing, or getting better, or the improvements I have had.
Good Morning Starshine
here’s a picture of my wide eyes. you can see them struggling to look sideways. a face shown without the rest of the face looks really funny.
THE SINUSES
So at I almost cancelled my last acupuncture appt. because my sinuses were so clogged and I felt really run down that day. I would blow my nose nonstop. I got there and she stuck many needles around my nose. It made my eyes water. But afterwards on the drive home it felt easier to breathe. And it pretty much got rid of what was going on. I still blow my nose sometimes but I can breathe, I’m not congested.
TIREDNESS
well, it seems that I am not doing as well going every other week to acupuncture instead of every week. but I can’t even pay my bills! but this week I had trouble sleeping, as far as being wired late at night. it would be 2 am and I still didn’t really want to go to bed. then had to get up around 8. needless to say I am exhausted (but still don’t want to go to bed.) I have realized that I stress out about things that are beyond my control (men, jobs etc.) and this really does me no favors physically either. It definitely doesn’t help me wind down at night. I also would pee before I went to bed and feel like there was a tiny bit just sitting there that wouldn’t come out. This irritated me and kept me awake with my repeated trips to the bathroom. This has always been a hallmark of the graves with me. The little things that are like gnats bothering you. I just fell off the wagon in general this week. I noticed myself feeling weaker. And the winter depression from the lack of sunlight finally hit me. But since then I feel better.
THE RUN
I decided one day that I just had to get more sunlight to fight the winter blues I am prone to. So I went for a run in the park near the real estate office. I ran on pavement and I did have a hard time picking up my feet, but I felt like I pushed myself to go a little farther than usual. I could also breathe steadily and calmly which is nice. Then afterwards I felt a tightness in my lungs the rest of the night. Probably from running in the cold. It was weird though, almost like holding mental tension in there. It made me wonder if the run also got some energy blocked in there, but maybe that’s farfetched who knows. But the run did lift up my spirits from being outside in the light. It is very gray here in the winter.
THE YEAST
I have started taking hot baths again at night this week because it really calms me even though I’m sure it doesn’t help the nonstop yeast situation (which is back with a vengeance.) I take diflucan but I haven’t been able to shake this thing yet. The gyno said she sees this ongoing yeast issue in her diabetes patients and that I should try to cut down on carbs/sugar. I try to be careful with what I eat, but I live with my parents right now and I’m broke. They have a huge supply of all manner of sweets at all times. And that stuff fills me up if I’m running out the door, where an apple and spinach will not. So that’s on ongoing struggle. I feel like it’s militant to not be able to have a few cookies once in a while, when otherwise I eat very well. But the acupuncturist had said it is part of my heat issue so who knows what exactly is causing it. I guess a month of antibiotics last spring wasn’t good either. I’ll keep hammering away at it. Try different things.
THE JOB
I’m working on figuring out some other job I can do that will be less stressful than my current one. I’m also trying to do real estate part time and really want it to work out. So I need my main job to be something that doesn’t stress me out or weigh me down mentally.
A cold run and Nov. 30th acupuncture
Yesterday=Went for a run
It was very cold out. I had my old running tights on. I love wearing ludicrous things when I run. Or I guess in any sport you have to love the gear that goes with it, so I was excited to don the tights again. It’s silly, but when else can you wear spandex and it’s ok? Anywho, so it was cold out. I went to the track so as not to have to run on any inclines. The first lap wasn’t fun. I had forgotten that I used to hate the first 1/4-1/2 mile in the cold. But after that I was fine. I appreciated that my heart rate did not soar at all. It stayed slow and steady. While I also jogged slow and steady. I only ran a mile and felt like I was taking baby steps, but that is exactly what I’m doing so that’s ok. Hopefully taking baby steps back to normalcy.
I think my legs were getting tired because on the last lap I almost tripped over my toes a few times, but if my legs were hurting I couldn’t feel them because it was just too cold! I think sometimes it’s hard for me not to have that old cross-country mentality still in my mind of “A mile is just a warm up or cool down” because back then a mile was nothing, but now it’s something. Since I didn’t have to focus as much on barely being able to pick up my legs or not being able to catch my breath I was able to just kind of let my mind go. It’s like you focus on the slow rhythm of your breathing and it’s very meditative. That’s why I always liked running -it frees your mind. Well, besides that it gave me an excuse to run in the woods or get outside. Running around a track is boring to me though so I may have to figure out some other places to run that are also safe and springy. Hard combo to come by.
Acupuncture – Nov. 30th = Today
I did a better job of remembering the important points to tell her. I even mentioned the dryness “down there.” She said that was probably due to the heat in my body – it dries out everything. Which would make sense because my mouth is always dry so I’m always drinking water. So hopefully this can be fixed. During the acupuncture I was a little dissapointed that I didn’t go into some dramatic deep meditative state like I did one time. And she had turned the heater off in the room because I had gotten hot before so then I got cold just laying there with an open gown on. That’s what I find weird about acupuncture, it’s supposed to be relaxing, which it is. But it’s hard to totally relax when you have a gown on that’s open in the front. I mean you can’t have a blanket over you because of the needles. And you do have underwear/bra on, but I always want a blanket.
I was trying really hard to eavesdrop on the guy in the next room and what he was telling her. I wanted to know his reason for going to her – just out of curiousity. She had music on too and usually it hypes me up because it has a definite rhythm to it so I’ll start picturing lilypads or something. But this time it was a little more new agey, more freeform. So it didn’t bother me.
I’m feeling really hyped up tonight. I don’t make much money at what I do now so I got accepted to a city health program. The dr. there oked my beta blocker, but her pharmacy doesn’t carry the inderal that I take. So I called them and said have her rewrite the prescription for propranolol, but it seems to take them a long time to do things so I’m not expecting it to happen right away. Meanwhile I feel like my heart’s racing even though it’s prolly only going 80 or 84. I think I just feel comfortable with it at 60. I’m hoping these next few days aren’t tough because of it. It’s the weekend now so that pharmacy isn’t even open. I felt really shakey/anxious this morning so we’ll see, altho I usually feel bad in the mornings at work in one way or another.
Chic chic a boom, chic chic a boom and stones
Today I go running and my legs felt better than they had, but it was hard to breathe when I was going uphill. I looked up what my target heart rate should be to see if my heart is going too fast when I run. It said it should be 98-146. Today my heart rate was 184 when I was done then I took it a few seconds later and it was 160. Either way I see this as way too fast. So I’m not sure the acupuncture has helped my heart rate. I don’t want to push a heart that goes too fast.
I guess a famous marathoner who was 28 just died recently because he had an enlarged heart and the drs said he should be safe to run. I went to the saucony website at some point recently and their main page was a picture of this guy which was a nice gesture.
Maybe I will only run on a track from now on. Flat, springy surfaces. Or get one of those heart rate monitors. I sort of gauge how things are going by how a run goes since running used to be second nature. At last it feels like my heart rate stays at a calmer more steady pace on flat springy surfaces.
I also went to a dr. the other day to see if I had kidney stones. She said it sounded like it was either that or urethritis. So I have to pee in a bucket and pour it through a strainer to see if I can find any stones. Haven’t found any so far. I hope it’s not a huge stone just sitting there. She also said I would have a CAT scan but I don’t know when this will happen. I forgot to ask because I assumed she meant we would go ahead and schedule it, but I guess not because I didn’t see it written up on any forms or anything. I will have to call. Meanwhile my left side of my low back still hurts every day. Not for the whole day but it will always start up at some point and then I take advil which usually gets rid of most of it.
“Run run as fast as you can – you can’t catch me I’m the Gingerbread man”
Nov. 15th – Today I had another Acupuncture appt.
I always feel kind of rushed during the part where I tell her how I feel. I get the impression that the acupuncture is more about doing than talking. I tell her the big things that are going on . Like how I have a yeast infection (never ending) and I’m worried that I have a UTI again or kidney stones. This is because it burns when I pee and the drs have said they found blood in my urine and my urine was too alkaline. Then this week my left kidney has been hurting. I couldn’t really focus as much on Graves related things to tell her because these are what’s really bothering me this week.
I also realized my sleep medicine is really bothering me. It works and all. But it has bad side effects. I feel out of it for the first 3 hours at work. I feel dizzy and my mind isn’t clear at all. The other day I tripped and practically fell on this baby stroller in one of the back offices and I was just hoping people didn’t assume I had a drug or alcohol problem. Nope, just my sleep medicine.
I’m trying to really cut down on it. But the downside of that is that I’m a night owl – I love the nighttime and often get inspired during that time to read, make art etc. So I am always wide awake. Sometimes I really need that medicine to shut me down.
During the acupuncture I felt all revved up. I had a hard time relaxing. She had turned music on and I think I might try to do it without music from now on. My mind kind of raced. She then gave me a different herb to take now. Before I had taken one to reduce heat and thirst. This one is reduce emotions and thirst. She also gave me a chinese herb for my urinary tract. She said this should get rid of a UTI or cleanse the system.
Then I got home and still felt revved up so I decided to try going for a run. After all, I always loved running in this 50 degree weather. Well let me say this. It was the best run I ran probably in almost 3 years. My breathing felt normal like it used to. My quads ached and were hard to pick up on the slight inclines but I was so impressed at my heart rate and breathing. It was like old times. I felt like I was breathing at a slow steady level and going at a slow steady jog.
For these past few years whenever I attempted to run not only were my legs like lead but my heart was going too fast and it was like I couldn’t catch my breath. And I had been used to running cross-country so I knew how good running feels when you’re healthy. If you’re running for endurance it doesn’t feel like you’re desperately trying to breathe. And I remembered why I liked running so much. It calms me down. The pattern of calm rhythmic breathing is meditative and I love how things go by fast enough to notice details but not slow enough to get bored (I get bored on walks). I always liked that you could cover more ground on a run. So I’m hoping that the weakness in my legs will go away. Maybe I can build up the muscle.
