I don’t know what to blame more, or what to focus on. I still often wonder is it mainly the blood sugar causing me grief and how much does the thyroid even play into it. I wonder because: today I’m working a 7 hour shift at the model home. I brought tabbouleh for lunch and triscuits and pecans. But after that I was majorly dragging. Just wanted to nap. Then I was starving. I knew this health food wasn’t doin it for me. I need grease, bad. So I went and got a happy meal.

This reminds me of a specific memory. It’s freshman year in high school. The day of a cross-country meet. The coach told us not to eat greasy food because it would make us sluggish. I decided to try a pizza hut pan pizza and see what happened. I ended up shaving 4:55 minutes off my time. Now, I don’t think this would always yield the same results but I just can’t figure it out. Like sometimes I eat mcdonalds fries and get blurry vision and a slow stupid mind. Other times it fuels me for hours and I feel great (like if I do that for my first meal of the day.) There just seems to be no rhyme or reason to how I use food. That tabbouleh was working out great for the last week, until now.

Then there’s another question. The fertility place says that thinner people get PCOS from being high school athletes because that caused them to have too much testosterone. But then they tell us to work out all the time, so I’m confused. Like doesn’t that have to do with why I have the problem in the first place? I also keep drinking iced tea to get some energy during the day. I feel more hypo in general but who knows. None of what’s going on is making sense. It seems like my body craves fat as a fuel, and when I eat super healthy it just backfires.